Letting go

A friend said I should blog times when I'm not happy as well as those when I am. So here goes.

J has completely weaned. And I'm finding it hard. La Leche League (who support breastfeeding and produce wonderful leaflets on breastfeeding topics among other things) have been brilliant and very understanding. It all happened so suddenly and took me by surprise and I think part of how I feel is a result of the abruptness. I miss it so much. It's been part of my being a mother since the word go and now it's over.

One element of course is hormonal. When you breastfeed, loads of feel good hormones are released so you feel calm and relaxed. I don't know what's happening with my hormones now but I can cry at the slightest thing and "things" just feel harder than they did 2 weeks ago.

If people haven't breastfed, I think it's hard to really appreciate how it is to want to carry on but be forced to stop. I don't think J actually meant to stop, but because his mouth was sore he was put off it and I haven't been able to persuade him to for nearly 2 weeks.

If you google "stopping breastfeeding and depression", there are lots of hits. It's not a rare thing to experience.

To make matters worse, in my quest for help with dealing with this I keep finding more information about why extended breastfeeding is so good for mother and infant, for example breastfeeding exercises the baby's mouth/jaw so the baby is less likely to need a brace on their teeth in later life; much reduced risk of breast cancer for mum (down 8% if you feed for 2 years!); the iron in breastmilk is much more digestible than that in formula or cows milk, so it really helps with the "iron count".

People mention silver linings in the cloud (like getting new underwear) as if that's compensation. But all I really want is my baby to feed again. Letting go of what I want and accepting the reality of what's happened is hard.

Sorry - this has nothing to do with scoliosis, but it is very much colouring how I feel about things including the scoliosis and the MRI scan.

I have news on J and the scoliosis, but will post tomorrow (tomorrow is when J gets his 3rd cast too). Hopefully things will seem better then...